I love country music. I say that at the outset, because there is one thing that makes me want to ram a fence with a four-wheel drive truck: Mindless songs that portray women as if they’re hood ornaments. Why is this done?
The latest is Luke Bryan’s “Move,” number 16 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart and moving up (unacceptable.) In it, Bryan sings about a woman with “a little shy side, a little wild side” and “a rockin’ little body” (can you say cliché?) who locks eyes with him on the dance floor.
Yes, we know gentlemen, you want to imagine that this hot woman just moved into town, is a little shy, (but secretly wild!) and wants you.
So why would women like this song? It is, after all, number 16, so some must. Here’s my theory: Female fans of this song secretly want to imagine they are this woman everyone’s staring at. Let’s face it, the ability to evoke such awe is power.
But back to reality. Most men are not going to meet some smokin’ babe who just arrived in town and gives them that “come hither” look with her eyes. And most women I know (myself included) are not this stunningly sexy woman every guy has to have.
Yet the song “Move” is clearly about ogling some woman and hoping to get a piece. Even with code words, you can’t miss the subtle-as-a-brick-through-a-window sexual references. At one point, Bryan sings that she's got him where he wants to be, “all up in the middle of your left and right, your side to side, you're right on time.” He later adds, “C-O-M-E, come on, I want to see you move like you do.”
Did he spell that correctly? (I’m sorry, was that too crude?)
Just keeping it real, people. On that note, I’m thinking a few new lyrics for the chorus might make it a bit more female-friendly. Shall we sing, ladies?
M-O-V-E, you’re kidding
Yeah, you’re kidding, yeah you’ve got to be
I’m no, piece of meat
Not like I’ve been waiting all week to
Deal with this dude
All thinking he’s smooth
Like he’d love too
Nah he’s, got no clue
Thinking I’ll strip
What is this sh-t?
‘Bout to get hit
I might turn it loose
Stars in the southern sky
I can’t believe this guy
DJ call that bouncer goon
Cause I can’t move till he moves